You can only see the bottom from the top
This week sucked
JUN 24 2022
We were told to make these impersonal and stick to just coding-related topics, but I can't do that and be authentic to myself. This week sucked, to be frank, and there's no catharsis. There's no light at the end of THE tunnel, just cycles of failure trying to take over my body. Familiar vices, UNDERSLEEPING, overeating. High school, college, relationships, driving, my first real job. I felt this way every time, and now that I'm conscious of it, it just feels even worse. I feel like I'm living in a Westworld loop. getting late on lectures, putting on the pounds. Everyone seemingly moving at the pace of the program. It would be cute if it wasn't so hackneyed. I've self-destructed like this at least ten other times in my life.
But all that being said, its undeniable I've become a friend to myself in a way I've never been. I'm a friend enough to myself, that I'M able to tell myself that I believe in myself, I'm able to tell myself to keep the boundaries up and not to be weak, I'm friend enough to laugh at the psychic snares...the things that take me off center and make me less focused. I know that I'll look at this valley from the top and marvel. I see it all now.
Let's see what happens.
-DANNY
OH YEAH, CODING.
UM WELL, I'M FINALLY ABLE TO SOMEWHAT CONCEPTUALIZE A FUNCTION AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO WRITE A SIMPLE ONE WITH THE PARAMETERS LAID OUT. I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, I'M SHOCKED THAT NONE OF THIS IS CLICKING AT ALL lol. CALLBACK FUNCTIONS MAY AS WELL BE CHINESE, AND I FEEL I'M NOT DOING ENOUGH TO MAXIMIZE THE NETWORKING/LINKEDIN MARKETING; WHILE ALSO WANTING TO KEEP LOWKEY. I FEEL A PRETERNATURAL LEVEL OF PSYCHIC SCRUTINY ON ME. LIKE THERE'S A HEIGHTENED LEVEL OF FOCUS ON MY ACTIONS.
Fun times
